This “Two” Shall Pass

From birth, heck from pregnancy, most parents are automatically in a competition with each other…especially mothers.  And it is not in our nature to air our dirty laundry.  Doing so is a sign of weakness to the competition. After all, our kid’s perfectness is a direct reflection of our perfection. But for the sake of creating empathy among parents, especially mothers, I am airing my laundry today. Most of us like to think the rest of the world operates in little pockets of utopia where their children are perfect, the parents have the heart of Super Nanny, and life goes as planned. My life has been quite the contrary since the terrible twos became a guest at our house. A dear friend of mine shared the following quote with me which I will PG-13 rate for the sensitive folks.

They are called the “terrible twos” because” f*#&ing awful” doesn’t start with a T.

Quite frankly, I couldn’t have said it better myself. The mother who texted this quote to me is a top-notch mother in my book and I appreciated her rawness! Seriously, what happens at two? And I thought colic was bad!

Borrowing from an 80s movie reference, my cute child goes from Gizmo to Gremlin with something as simple as the wrong Sippy cup filled with apple juice when he wanted orange juice.  For the past few weeks, our days go something like this. At 6:45 he wakes up. Before his eyes are open he says “nack” which means he wants a snack…AKA breakfast. No worries, Prince Cooper, your Gogurt and juice await you. By 6:47 he is telling me “NO TEETH” and “NO SHOES” which means he has no intentions of brushing his teeth or wearing his shoes today. The clock hands seem to be moving at warp speed as I try to finish getting ready while he downs his “nack”. I hear his feet hit the floor the moment he finishes.  He makes his way crying to the bathroom like I have been gone for weeks. He begins climbing my legs. I swear it is like he is trying to crawl back in the womb some mornings. A few minutes later, we have a WWF wrestling match to get his clothes and shoes on. I won’t even go into the details of how the socks have to be “just right” so they don’t hurt his feet and how the tags on his shirt itch his back.

By this point in the morning, the cat is standing at the door meowing because she wants outside. Don’t we all want to escape Miss Kitty? Well, the luxury of a house cat affords you the opportunity of enduring this fine morning with the family. If anyone is going outside to be alone it is me. For goodness sake cat, you have the house to yourself all day! Next, comes the tooth-brushing smack down. And, really, what’s the point….these stupid things are going to fall out in a few years anyways. All of these morning activities, which may I add, are usually done with me wearing dress clothes and heels!

Fast forward to leaving the house, round two continues  as I try to pile drive him into the car seat. His body automatically morphs into a stiff board the minute the car door opens. As soon as I get one arm in the restraint, the other is out.  Off we go to daycare and work…awww…some peace and quiet. Crap!  The sun is in his eyes. Now he is crying again and yelling “NO SUN.” A part of me secretly thanks God that his beautiful beams of sun are causing temporary angst for this holy terror. Maybe some angelic beams will penetrate him.  Out of the car to daycare we go, a little clingy-but he is always happy to see his teachers. Off to work I go, usually sweating like I am having a menopausal moment. Rushing in the door I manage to greet everyone with a smile on my face despite the war zone I just went through.  Who knows if my clothes match? Heck, I may not even have all of my clothes on. I probably have Gogurt in my hair or splattered on my rear. None-the-less, I am here and ready to conquer the day.

Fast forward….the work day is done and let’s face it…some days are filled with adults who appear to have never exited the terrible twos. Long gone are the memories of the morning stress. Off I go to daycare to pick up my pride and joy. I’m ready to see my little munchkin and spend quality time with him. I am greeted with a big smile. A good sign, right? Yes! He has had a good day. Or at least that’s the report. Maybe his teachers lie to me and act pleasant as if he is a good child for them.  Off we head to the car. Noooo! My holy terror is back for a WWF rematch thrashing as he goes in the car seat. I’m really beginning to wonder…does this kid hate me? People in the parking lot probably think I have taken a child that doesn’t belong to me. The little demon from earlier in the day reappears and the remainder of the night is a battle of wills. Whining, crying, more whining….picking our poor 12 year old cat up with grilling tongs, yelling “NO JESUS” and “NO AMEN” when we say our prayers…and on and on and on. Is it bedtime yet?  Close enough…off to bed we go….all four of us snug in the bed (me, my husband, toddler, and cat).  Please Lord, don’t let tomorrow be Groundhog Day.

I know the terrible twos are a phase and this too shall pass. I wonder why the twos are so terrible? Is the Devil a two year old? If so, I never want to meet him. On average, my child has more sweet and funny moments than “terrible two” moments or we would be looking into a refund policy. Luckily, his cute Gizmo moments, outweigh his Gremlin tendencies. But, unfortunately, those angelic moments, right now, often occur when he is with other folks.  As a parent, I guess this is a labor of love step to condition your heart for unconditional love.

As my husband walked out the door wrestling our angel all the way to the car this morning he said, “I wish we could come home and the Super Nanny’s car would be in our driveway”.  To which my child said “NO NANNY”. Sure, we might be a case for the Super Nanny…but with a lot of love, a ton of patience, and a few ounces of wine…the terrible twos will be distance memories and replaced by the ““what’s that threes”, the obnoxious puberty years, the brainless teenage years, the experimental college years, etc. I air my laundry because life isn’t perfect and mine isn’t either. So if you are a mother of a two year old (or a mother of any age child), take a deep breath and realize that more of us have been to this place than we will ever admit. Keeping moving forward. The goal is to survive the terrible twos and not create an adult who has a persistence case of the terrible twos. The world has enough of those already!

Today my spoon is full of terrible twos. Hmmm…I wonder what my WWF Mommy Stage name could be?

Pomp and what is the circumstance?

Tis the season of graduation…caps, tassels, gowns, speeches-all in full effect. Working in higher education, I always find myself at an emotional crossroads this time of year.  I am elated for those that have accomplished their goals. I am excited for what the next step has in store for each of them. Yet, I am saddened for those that did not make it to the point of graduating.

High School Graduation 1996. That’s me on the right. My dreams for the future were as big as my hair! The caution cone in the picture is a bit symbolic don’t ya think?

This month I have attended three graduations…two ceremonies for my cousins’ graduating from high school; plus, I attended the graduation of the institution where I work. There is nothing I love more than seeing everyone dressed in their regalia and students’ faces beaming with a sense of accomplishment and empowerment. Hopes, dreams, and excitement fill the air. I get a kick out of the bedazzled mortar boards that say “class of 2012” or “hi mom.”  I get chills each semester when I hear the thunderous applause and the shouts from the audience from proud parents, grandparents, and friends. At my institution’s graduation, the thing I love most is hearing a tiny voice interrupt the graduation service saying “that’s my mommy” or “yeahhh daddy” as their parent walks across the stage to get their diploma.  What a lesson that parent has taught their child!

No matter if it is a high school or college graduation, each individual has persevered, beat the odds, and overcome barriers to get to that point. Some had more to overcome than others, but when the tassel is turned, the honor is the same.

To avoid a statistical war, my next few points will be estimates based on a variety of data sources and experience. About 75% of students who start high school in Kentucky finish. Sounds good at first, right? Well, what about the other 25%?  The figure for students in college who persist and graduate on time is grimmer. My point is not to debate about what statistic is correct. My point is to say….when I hear the pomp and circumstance played at graduation, I think about what was the circumstance that prevented the ones who were suppose to be there-from being there.

Where was the dream diverted, lost, or postponed?  How and why did they make it to a certain point, but didn’t make it through? What could have been done differently? Was there a point in the pipeline where they were misunderstand, misdirected, overlooked, or under challenged? Was the pipeline the problem-too constricting, not the right flow, rusty pipes, etc?

For those that didn’t make it to their graduation I can’t help but wonder how much more difficult life might be because they didn’t receive the empowerment that education provides. I know folks who make an honest living and are terrific providers for their family who do not have a high school diploma and I know folks that have a high school diploma, but not a college degree who are helping make the world go round. So this blog is not to say that a diploma/degree ensures happiness, wealth, or an easy road. But the reality is more and more jobs are requiring more and more skills that require furthering one’s training and education. Therefore, my mind goes to how could the education systems have helped more students through?

Don’t get me wrong, I love celebrating graduation. But the real reason I get up and come to work every day is for that percentage that didn’t make it to the ceremony. Whether it be sharing a smile, offering advice, connecting a student to a resource, helping the insurmountable seem mountable, explaining the education bureaucracy, etc. my work focuses on getting students to the special milestone of graduation.  My business is increasing the number that I see walk across that stage to accept their credential.

Today my spoon is full of hope and perseverance for those that just might not yet see it in themselves. As well as, a spoonful of thankfulness for folks who have mentored and encouraged me while helping me find my way through the education systems.